Do you smell that?

Do you?  It’s like… what…. what is that….  oh.  Oh wait.  I know what that is.  That, mes amis, is the stench of failed dieter.  Actually, I take that back.  It’s the lingering waft of stalled dieter, which has the potential to intensify into stench of failed dieter.  Big, fat, failed dieter.  I need a pep talk.  Here’s the year in review.  Could help.  Or it could drive me to a moaning, rocking place in my utility room, far from prying eyes and questions about whether I’ve gotten all my water in or had a bowel movement.  (they’re fairly invasive with the questions, these people)

1. Okay, ah, I think Suck It Sandra no longer works for the LAWL.  So that’s good.
2. I should be within 30 pounds of my goal weight right now and I’m within 90.  So that’s bad.
3. I have to make a skirt for this play I’m in at the end of January and most costume patterns only go up to 20, which I now wear.  So I’m closer to normal than I have been since college.  So that’s good.
4. I see my mother’s extended family once a year on christmas eve and not one person noticed enough weight loss to comment on it.  So that’s bad.
5. I lost 2 pounds over the christmas weekend, so that’s good.
6. But that’s largely thanks to the heinous migraine I had Dec. 23 and 24.  So that was very, very bad.
7. I am officially a “regular” at the gym now.  Which means my trainer will complain to me about all these newbies-come-lately who are only going to take up space for a couple of months and then be gone.  I’m a gym-bitcher!  I have arrived!  So that’s good!
8. I haven’t had acid reflux all year.  So that’s very good.
9. I haven’t had heart fib all year, except when taking massive doses of caffeine for migraines.  So that’s very, very good.
10. I sleep pretty well now.  So that’s excellent.
11. I flew this year and didn’t have to buy an extra seat.  So that’s great.
12. I have had many lovely, encouraging emails from supporters who follow my fat ass online, without whom I can pretty much guarantee you I would not still be on this diet.  So that is better than I can even tell you.

I think the ayes have it.  It has been a better year than a bad one.  New job.  Wrote a little.  Lost a little bit of weight.  Joined a gym.  Learned how to make pot roast.  Started meditating (which is actually very helpful with the dieting thing.  I highly recommend it.)  Big plans for the future kids.  BIG plans.

If you are thinking about losing weight as one of your new year’s resolutions, you aren’t alone.  I read an article that said weight loss and quitting smoking are the top two resolutions made each year.  And also, I’m here to tell you that you can do it.  And probably much better than me.  It may be slow.  I guaran-damn-tee you it will be sometimes painful (if you have very much to lose).  But it’s do-able.  I feel your pain.  I’m here to help.

And also, I’m here to fellowship (read: complain) about it.  But helping too!  I’m trying to be part of the solution and not the problem!  I am!

So a big, fat XXL thank you to everyone who has encouraged me this year.  Or, you know, laughed at something I wrote.  It doesn’t really take much to please me.  I’m easy.  Spread it around.  Bow chicka wow wow.  I am BACK in the saddle, I am UP from my pre-Thanksgiving weight, but I feel a migraine coming on from the friggin’ clouds that won’t go the hell away so another two pounds may start the new year off right!!

 

T minus 40 pounds and counting.

Holy shit!  I’ve lost 40 pounds!  I’m still fat, but I’ve lost 40 pounds!!!