You know I don’t like to use Craig Kilbourn speak lightly, but I will make an exception this time and proclaim a hearty BOOYAH!! Somehow, against all reason, I am down 1.2 pounds since Monday. I cannot fathom how that happened since Monday night I snacked like a house a’fire and last night I ate a southern fried chicken salad from O’Charleys. (seriously y’all, that stuff is like kryptonite. I have no power in its presence.) But the scale doesn’t lie, so again I say! Booyah!
Also, yo ho ho and a bottle of rum (pirates (TM))! For I have definite confirmation that Suck-It Sandra resigned her job as Chief Discourager and High Priestess of Assholery at the Brentwood location of LA Weight Loss. I really <holding for applause>… no…. I really can’t take all the credit for this. I must acknowledge and thank my fellow husky girls for their part in frustrating her and arguing with her and pointing out her crack-smokery to the point that she was driven out. Truly, it was a team effort and a testament to the power of irritable dieters en masse. And so, to you thin people out there, I say to you…. watch your backs. You piss off one of us, you piss off ALL of us.
Did you see this article on the New York Times website? Ooooooh, girl I can’t tell you how happy this makes me. Not that I don’t love the french. You know I do. And not that I’m happy about obesity in general. It sucks. In any language. But you know how they are, the french, with their “ooooooh, Americans are zooooo fat! And we are zooooo zkinny! We can just eat whateeeeever we want!” How many people sent me stories about that book “French Women Don’t Get Fat“? How many? My mom wanted to run right out and buy it for me. I told her not to bother because A)I already know why traditionally french people have been able to eat well and not gain weight. It’s the same way americans used to be able to eat well and not gain weight. I don’t need to know any “french secrets” because I already know how not to be fat. I just, for whatever reason, have chosen to ignore those facts. And B)French people are fat! Why? For the exact same reasons Americans are fat. The poorer the region, the more people rely on fast food and cheap, crappy “food product” to feed their families. TV is a big deal in France now. Video games are selling like gang busters. They’re no longer twenty years behind America in, well, everything. But y’all, Y’ALL, you have to read this article. Especially the very bottom where it talks about the perception of fat women changing, as it relates to attractiveness. I’m telling you right now. If this trend continues? I am brushing up on my subjunctive and passe compose and moving to France Bel Grande. Toute suite!
T minus 40 pounds and counting.
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