It’s all an act

So I have good news and I have possibly overthinking news. First the good. I have been cast in two small roles in an upcoming show called Dearly Departed at the TN Repertory Theatre. That means I will get paid a niiiiice little chunk of change and get to act on a big stage and nothing on the set will have come from my living room and props and my costume will be someone else’s problem, not mine. Ahhh, the joys of professional theatre. Of course, I haven’t asked for the time off yet to do this (they rehearse during the day) but I think it will work out. My company is in restructure and it needs me.

Now, the possibly overthought bit.

This is a “southern comedy.” Think Greater Tuna, if you’ve ever seen that. Many of the parts are doubled up, so I am playing Nadine and Delightful. Nadine is a very funny part, she has one scene, and should be a lot of fun. And more importantly, easy. And then there’s Delightful. In the play, Delightful’s father, who was a mean, ornery type elderly man, has just died. Delightful deals with her less-than-ideal upbringing by constantly eating junk food. She says three words in the whole show. Not three lines, three words: “Okay,” “beans,” and “bye.” That’s it. The rest of the time, she appears in scenes and eats and, and this may be where I’m overthinking this, basically sets up the fat jokes. Now, the thing is, maybe they aren’t fat jokes. Nobody ever calls her fat. No one ever references her size. It could still be funny if a thin actress were sitting on stage stuffing her face and being mute and looking vapid…. but it’s funnier with a fat girl.

In all my years of acting, I have never been offered a fat girl role. I know, it’s actually amazing, what are the odds? But I really haven’t. And now I’m a little concerned that I may have just accepted the role of the fat sight gag. Maybe it could be played either way. With or without a large actress. But they’re not going with a thin actress. They’re going with me. Over the last week since I was invited to the callback, I have wavered between excitement at the prospect of working again with the Rep (an experience I thoroughly enjoyed a few years ago when I did a few bit parts in Christmas Carol), and righteous indignance at what I was being offered. Are they offering me this because I’m funny? Or because I’m a physical gag? And does it matter? For what they are paying me and the future potential of working with them again, shouldn’t I just suck it up and not even think twice about it? Are my friends and family going to be embarrassed when they see the show because they know, but don’t want to point out, that I got the part because I’m fat? That’s the worst part. Am I simply overthinking this? I do that sometimes.

If I had been offered a part in Metamorphoses at my regular theatre company, I would have taken that part and definitely turned Dearly Departed down. But ironically, I wasn’t eligible for a part in Metamorphoses because I am too fat. Odd how suddenly out of nowhere, my weight it coming into play with regard to performing, even as I am losing it. (yeah, slowly, I know)

Look, I’m gonna do it. Of course I am. I’m just saying, if the role were only Delightful, without Nadine, I’m pretty sure I would have turned it down flat. Even though it would have been the easiest money I had ever made. I don’t need the money. And if I don’t work at the Rep ever again, it wouldn’t really matter, I get plenty of work elsewhere. But I want this funny Nadine scene. And I want the change in schedule from my daily grind. Plus the money will be helpful and let’s be honest. It’s nice to work every once in a while for a fully funded theatre company where all I have to do is show up and act. I’m just wondering. To the point that I have to move the question to the top of my Burning Questions list.

1. Am I selling out?
2. To what extent does my size help me as a character actress and to what extent does it hurt?
3. When you order pasta in a restaurant, why does it always come with a side of bread? Like you aren’t getting enough starch already?
4. Indian food isn’t really all that fattening, is it?
5. Why do restaurants always used white cloth napkins that leave schmutz in your lap? Why don’t they change to black napkins? Who the hell is wearing white pants? Ever?
6. Are all my Burning Questions really food related?
7. How did that happen?
8. At what point did American parents become obsessed with their children?
9. Do these pants make me look fat?
10. Buying some flowers for yourself on valentine’s day: sad or sassy like a Mento’s commercial?
11. Does this look infected?
12. What’s in this year’s Oscar nominee gift baskets?
13. Where’s my Oscar?
14. What the hell is wrong with muslims? People draw unflattering cartoons of God and Jesus all the time and you don’t see us trampling anyone to death. Well, not over that anyway.
15. Is it possible for Sarah Jessica Parker to get on my nerves more?

Yeah, I’ve got me some issues. Don’t act like you’re surprised.

T minus 40 pounds and counting.